So, last Friday I went to a Doctor's appointment, which went well. Then, on the way home, I decided to swing by Hillsborough County Animal Services, you know, as you do.  There are a lot of awesome animals needing homes and sometimes I wander through because you never know what you're going to find.  After wandering past the kitties, and the room with two rabbits, a rat and a pigeon. You read that right...a pigeon. I moved to the dog section. Cute dogs, happy dogs, a few shy dogs and lots of awesome pit bulls.  I had sort of been on the look out for a pit because they are amazing dogs.  I really wasn't looking for anything small. I definitely wasn't looking for a chihuahua.

Then I walked past this cute little girl. She stared up at me from a cute/or maybe-slightly-ugly face and charmed me without me even realizing it. The next minute I'm asking about her at the desk up front, then I'm calling friends for advice (awesome advice), then I'm staring down at her again and she's snuggling up against the door to be near me, then I'm filling out this form, then I'm watching her run around in this grass yard and she's cute as a button (are buttons cute?) and then I'm saying "yes" I'll take her. 

I didn't actually get to take her home that day.  I had to wait for her to be officially property of the county (strays get a week for the owner to come in and find them.)  While waiting I stopped by to see her again...

Yup, still cute. I had to wait 4 more days, during which she was spayed, checked over and prepared for departure. Then today, I drove by, signed a few forms, and carried this little girl to the car. She was Miss Manners on the ride home - sitting calmly, occasionally checking out the window, sleeping a bit.

Here she is running around in the yard.  She is curious and a little cold today. Gotta make sure the heat is on going into this winter.  Maybe I'll learn to knit so I can make her a mini sweater. I'm sure it's easy. Or I could sew one out of fleece, I'm sure it's easy.

Right now she's sleeping. The cats are VERY unsure about her, but Duncan is just curious. I am keeping some distance between them just to let her settle in, but she's gonna have to learn where she fits in. I think she will. I also predict a snuggle bunny.

Below is a pic of Parker really unsure of her, but curious enough to get this close. I don't have a name yet, and still trying to figure out her personality and see what fits for her. It's the start of a new adventure and I'm excited. I officially have a pack...right? Maybe just a dynamic duo- one tall, one small.

So, I flirted with a Geek Squad agent at Best buy. He was an attractive gentleman who took in my Cannon Digital Rebel for cleaning. Then, after a few moments the interaction was over. I walked away smiling. It was good, professional service.

Then my brain went to war with itself.

(the following is a dramatization, no Bothans died to bring you this information.)

Side A: We'll call my "inner dreamer"
Side B: We'll call my "overly practical, slightly religious Aunt"
Side C: We'll call my "inner Introvert"
That's my internal triangle.

Scene: *walking around Best Buy after interaction*
A: Hey, he's cute and you totally had a moment together there.
B: Or...he's just a polite gentlemen giving good service.
A: You should go back and talk to him.
C: GOOD GOD WOMAN ARE YOU MAD! That would be an unstructured social interaction. You cannot predict how that would go. You are not prepared for this. Give me a few days to plan.
A: I have no idea what his schedule is, he may not be here if I come back later. ACT NOW.
C: *Laughs* You really are mad, come on, we have coupons to use at Jo-Anns. We're going. (at this point my introvert takes control and I walk to my car.)


Scene: *At my car.*
B: this really is for the best. He could be a serial killer, or just a jerk who would now have your contact information.  Chances are you'd just be wasting your time and saving yourself from being cut into tiny pieces and stored in a freezer.
A: I guess, but...

Scene: *Driving*
A: I'VE GOT IT. We drive back to the store, give him our business card, and leave a message on the Blog for him if he investigates your website.  You can use the Best Buy computers to do it!
B: come now, that's unseemly, you still have to go to the grocery store, and Jo-Anns, and then there's that awesome smoothie to get. Peanut Butter and Chocolate...you're favorite.
A: NO, for SCIENCE!
B: um...what?
C: um...what?
A: I mean, where's your sense of adventure? It's a cute witty gesture and really what is it going to cost us? Another chance to say hello, and the chance for co-vert action in friendly territory. Besides, we buy stuff from BB all the time, it's okay to use their internet for only slightly nefarious purchases.
B: *silently glaring*
C: What the hell?
A: *Makes a U-Turn.*

Scene: *Best Buy, again.*
A: Ha HA! Siezing the Day, look at me log in and work on a blog post. HA! There. Posted. I AM A REBEL!
B: He could be a serial killer. He could be a hidden ass hole, He could already be dating someone.
A: Oh, I accounted for that. See, I wrote on the business card that if he has a GF or BF to disregard the overture. No disrepect meant towards potential significant others.
B: Hrmm, that's actually rather polite.
C: ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO DO THIS? You don't have time to date. You need to get home and paint or level your Hunter or edit your photos from the film shoot yesterday. Sure, there's a chance this could become a really good thing. But the actual chances are so stacked against you that its just better to go home and keep living your life, quietly, peacefully, safely.
A: *Wanders around Best Buy for a little bit. Unintentionally solicits continued offers of "can I help you with anything, Ma'am?"  *sighs* Ok... *Pulls out phone, logs onto my website editor, fights with the program on my phone, finally deletes post.*
C: There, doesn't that feel better? Now we can move on with our day. *Walks towards exit.*
A: No *seizes control, walks to Geek Squad desk, smiles, waits a few awkward moments for the nice gentleman to finish with his customers, says "thank you for the help earlier" and slides over my business card. Observes that he smiles as he takes it.* Point for me suckers!
C: OK, OK, now let's go. *Beats a hasty retreat attempting to "Fly Casual" back to car, smiling.*

epilogue: I didn't end up going to Jo-Anns. (I have a 60% coupon only good  tomorrow anyway.) Nor did I get a smoothie.  I did end up going grocery shopping. And I wrote this blog.

*A, B, & C comes out onto stage and bows.*

Thank you for reading this little drama about my Flirting Adventure.

So, I turned 33 a few days ago (28th) and it was a good day.  Life been moving pretty fast, but mostly in good ways. I'm kind of forcing myself to write this, so it may be drivel, but it's still writing, words on a page...an electronic page that exists in the nether realm that seems to have its own reality, but still, words all the same. I'm currently fighting, and managing to just about hold steady, against a mood that wants to eat right through me.  All social interactions save those made through the distance of a key board are out for the evening. Had to cancel plans last night too.  Might not make it out of the house tomorrow like I'd planned, but I won't write my future before I'm staring it in the face. And tonight, my demon is sitting right square in my chest, wearing me like a Jennifer skin. Or maybe I'm the mother of a universe, and it's all just right there inside of me, ever expanding, pushing at the bounds of my mind.

I wouldn't say the mood was evil, or really even dark...just heightening...waiting for any little input to rile me to anger or reduce me to blubbering puddle of emotional goo.  Either way feels like weakness, so I keep doing, I keep writing. Neutral is the best place to be, the most fortified fortress. I might not be able to paint at the moment, or work on my novel, the creative ways seem to get clogged with too much emotion. I'd dance, but the furniture gets in the way. So I am writing normal, little old words just spewing out of my brainpan. I refuse to run or hide from who I am. There are just times when it seems alone is the proper way, I can be fully me and when not distracted stand against the mood the strongest. If I have to worry about interacting or am distracted...my behavior may not go so well. 

A friend once described it as if your inner voice becomes an unreliable narrator. You cannot believe what it is telling you, even though it is coming from your own mind, and speaking with your own voice.  Another...I'm not close enough to call her a friend...but person I look up to... likes to put it bluntly - depression fucking lies.  So, I tend to fall back on presets - it's like keeping a little book of paragraphs you write for yourself as if you, yourself were a yearbook.  Or, maybe you write yourself letter of recommendation that you can show to your unreliable narrator and tell him to just go fuck off.  hmm...apparently my unreliable narrator is male, or maybe he just is today. I imagine it is kind of like a god thing, gender neutral.

So, it's pretty much impossible to make grandiose headway into new and creative things, so, holding ground and going to bed calmly and peacefully is the best place to find oneself.  Cause what I feel right now, even though I know it isn't true, doesn't stop the emotion from crawling around inside.  Doesn't keep desires from getting out of whack.  Thankfully, I know myself well enough to sense this departure from the norm and sound the alarm. Reason comes to my defense and it kind of kicks ass when I need it to. And tonight? It's drop-kicking my unreliable narrator through a plate glass window and then tossing a flaming piano (grand, not upright) down on it for good measure. (It really isn't enough if the piano isn't on fire.) It won't kill it though; I know he'll be back.  And I know, I'll be ready.




...mostly.


Here's a video that makes me smile, with my favorite song, Ode to Joy. Truly one of the best pieces of music ever written.