What is it that speaks to us in writing?  What tugs at the soul and asks us to pause on the page, to read a passage again, to soak up some forgotten wisdom?  How do we recognize it?  The cynical world threatens to intrude, reminding us of times and dates and half-agreed-to obligations.  But above all the bustle in our heads this tiny voice in the back quiets everything.  The whisper from our youth, the closest being to our origin, created in the years when we became.    

We read words and desire. 
We see worlds and desire. 
We open our hearts and desire. 

Is it all to please the child? It is ALL to please the child?  Is the child charmed? 

The child at the beginning of the world, who first painted his hand and played in scenes all over the stone wall, is still in us.  We think he has grown with time, that he now wears jeans, sneakers and a Ramones t-shirt.  But he will always be barefoot, feeling everything beneath his souls.  He will always be naked, skin to the elements.  Some try to cage him, to try and make him listen.  But he is us, and you cannot cage yourself for long, or make yourself be still in the spinning world.

We read words we’d have read to us a thousand times, listen to songs we’d have played for us until the end of the journey.  What makes them stick, like pushpins in our mind, when so much of the world filters past?  Why do we open our eyes every morning?  Better yet, why do we close them at night?  We will never see everything, but we will try.  The little one inside sees a life as a series of endless hills, each one with something better just beyond it.  Is there something beyond curiosity, something uniting beneath the face of all emotion?    Does the little boy bring the spark?  Does he carry it, sheltered in his hands, while he walks beside us, in us, every day?

"God doesn't move us by telling us the facts. He moves us by pains and contradictions. He's given me a lack of understanding; not answers, but questions. An invitation to marvel." Alex Glaser "Millennium" – Luminary

I often wonder what is just around the corner. I don't mean the future, I mean literally, what is behind the 90 degree bend in the wall. If I cannot see around the corner, then I cannot know what is truly there. I know what is most likely to be there: a door, a table and lamp, but what if there is something else? I could get up and check, but that will only tell me what is there now, not what was around the corner when I initially asked the question.

I would put forth an idea. Those of the creative arts, whose actions in even an infinitesimal way creates something new with some small thought to form or aesthetics, has a part of them that believes in something more than what can be seen and touched. A vivid imagination is tied directly to the ability to wonder and to question. We daydream and fantasize, write stories, plays and music (the latter is, to say the least – a story told in emotions) – to what purpose? Disney, for all of its massive conglomeration, spurs children to wonder and for a few moments shows them magic. Hell, I even get caught up sometimes, enjoying the ride of music and lights and giant sprays of water.

Even our dreams (at night), which can be solely ascribed to a jumble of our waking experiences, is assembled into that strange-yet-familiar mix in a place in our heads that we cannot willingly or consciously touch. A part of our own, personal life is out of our control. REM can be disrupted or lucid dreaming can be reached occasionally but there are parts of our own body and mind, which is out of reach. If our own bodies leave places of mystery what does that leave open for the rest of the universe?

Are we the only ones with the power of creation?

This allows room to wonder. I couldn't write, couldn't dream if some small part of me did not believe, or at least accept that the supernatural has not been disproved. I will quickly add that does not prove its existence. Some have used the lack of evidence to prove an intangible thing and, sorry, that just doesn't fly. However, it does leave the possibility open.

Now there is a distinction to be made. There are those who believe in something (God, goddess, nirvana – come as you are, magic, angels, ghosts, aliens), those who do not, those who hold themselves open to the possibility and I think another group – those who want to believe. Maybe they have a feeling there is something beyond the mere physical, but cannot prove it and so cannot accept it. There is no repeated-trial physical evidence, and yet, they want to believe it is there. Life is richer, fantasies a little less out of reach, hope a little stronger, if they can watch the edge of the wall and imagine there is something just around the corner.

"We are meant to be here. We step from one piece of holy ground, to the next, under stars that ask "Imagine for one second you could drop in on a past life. What would charm you, what would make you proud?" Ask yourself that and the question of what to do in this life becomes so simple it's terrifying. Just do the thing that charms you, that would make you say, "Yes, this is the real me." Do that, and you're alive. Alex Ventoux "Millennium" Luminary

Just finished watching "Once Upon A Time", which is one of the shows I look forward to every week.  And the damn show got to me, when Prince Charming gets Snow to remember their love I had tears on my cheeks and an ache in my heart.  (Now, I will admit to being, perhaps, a little more emotional than some.  I experience this world through feeling so the flow of emotions is an integral part of my perception - however, I claim no profound understanding, just a desire to understand.) Shows with such clear lines of good and evil, like Once, also seem to focus more on the idea of True Love because it has a purity and a simplicity.  You find someone and you just...know it.  Though, to be fair to the show, it is through actions - through Snow and the Prince's interactions that they see it - it is not portrayed as the moment their eyes meet they know.

Real life is so messy, though.  We all want true love don't we? At least, based on its prevalence as a theme in stories, I know I ain't the only one. The problem, of course, comes in finding it. There's no Audubon field guide to identifying it. No GPS coordinates, no dowsing rod, no falcon or bloodhound to track it.

There's no App for that.

It feels sometimes that all we can do is blunder around in the dark hoping against some pretty sizable odds to find someone that matches us in a truly profound way.  And there are SO many false starts and winding paths that end in anger or loss or, at the very best, friendship.  We hope with each new relationship, with each new person that makes us smile or makes our heart beat a little faster that they might be it. And I think sometimes we let that hope blind us to reality and I also think that sometimes we let reality dull what might be a chance to really be true. 

I'm 32. I'm single. Does that mean I haven't found it yet? Or did I miss it somewhere along the line? Believe me, there are nights I am scared shitless that is the case, but then that would be a pretty bleak outlook to take.  I have far too many years left to not have an equal and fair chance.  But that's what it is and that's what's maddening about it. 

It is all chance. Now, we can better the odds. We can be social and do activities, hobbies, and things that get us interacting with others who like the same things we do. That's always a start. I LARP, so perhaps one of my fellow Jedi or Sith may be true love in waiting.  Or maybe within the rhino community or zoo keeping realm there is a heart that beats like mine. Or I could take up dancing, or yoga, or join the local writing community, or go to museums and theaters...It's all about being around other people, hoping and staying open to the unexpected.

And as I am searching I think, is that person out there blundering around in the dark as well? Feeling as hopeless as I do sometimes, feeling the darkness like a weight, feeling the search a thicket of brambles that claw and tear at the skin? (Then I kind of want to punch Fate in the face for making us both go through this when she could clearly just put us in the same place at the same time and then I think oh gods what if she has and we've both been missing each other and then I try and talk myself out of a panic attack, cause that is always a super effective method, and then I'm finally so exhausted I just crumple into the pile of tears and raw emotion and then....maybe...I take a breath and make a plan to take back my own destiny knowing in a little while it'll be the floor and tears again when the thoughts spiral down.  But for that breath...life is a little brighter.)

Skipping past all of the "dating" bull and just getting to the heart of the matter of two people searching I've come up with some questions to ask yourself about the other person to determine if they are your true love.

1. Would you follow that person into the Fire Swamp?
    follow up - could you live there quite happily?
2. Would you face the hoards of a zombie apocalypse just to get across town and then get her safely to your favorite pub named after a firearm?
3. Would you wear the armor of a Ubese bounty hunter just to sneak into a heavily fortified desert mobster's dwelling in the hopes of thawing your love out of carbonite and sneaking him out of there?
4. Would you sit out in space in a Raptor waiting for the Cylon Baseship - that you have no idea will return or not- to bring back the woman you once locked horns with but now respect and love so she can finally tell you she loves you?  ...'bout damn time.
5. Would you face down all the Reavers in the 'verse for one night with your love?
6. Would you don armor and follow sprites deep into the pit of darkness to face the son of all evil (who has the voice of Tim Curry, and giant bull horns)?
    follow up:  would you also trust your love to not cut the head off the last             unicorn and thus be faking her apparent flight into darkness?
7. Would you actually tell her/him that you loved them, even though you are  former military turned cab driver who has no points left on his license and you have no business saving the world?
8. Would you stand watch over a giant cube for 2000 years because you've been turned into a robot roman centurion and your love is trapped inside said cube?   
9. Would you drink the Water of Life, risking madness and death, for her/him?
10. Would you eat your love after their death to fully grok them?
11. Would you forgo immortality in the west to instead convince you dad to reforge the shards of Narsil so your true love has the hope of surviving the darkness spreading out of Mordor?
12. Would you stab them through the heart because they've opened up a demon portal that will destroy the world even though they've just had their soul returned and could have been your love once more?
13. After a first date in Saturday detention, would you give your love one of your diamond earrings?
14. Would you not retire your love even if they were one of the most dangerous models of synthetic humans?
15. Would you follow her into her evil mother's castle along with a dwarf and a old witch to save a child... even though she kicked you in the face? (to be fair, you are the greatest swordsman that ever lived.)
16. Would you face a bunch of Nazis and an ancient Hebrew relic that can melt flesh when looked upon to save your love?
17. Would you pop your adamantium claws through her heart because she is the destruction of all but has one moment of clarity and asks for you to kill her?
18. Would you eat a whole horse heart for your love?
19. Would you attempt to rescue your love from a Zerg hive-planet?
20. Would you allow yourself to be frozen in carbonite to save your love?

p.s. if you are my True Love will you kindly post so in the comments section below - it'll make this all go a lot easier. Thanks. You're awesome. I'm looking forward to loving you.

So, I must confess, I am a bit of a geek. I play World of Warcraft and now Star Wars: The Old Republic - both great MMORPGs. I also take part in a LARP - a Live Action Role Playing game based in the Star Wars universe.  It started locally with a few Ren Faire fight-cast actors wanting to hit each other with $8 plastic lightsabers. Mechanics were added for force powers and 5 year later it is still running. So, a bunch of us were joking around after completing a group RP on AIM the other day and created this little bit of poetry. I'll also add that all of it happened between (12:37:04 AM) - (12:41:54 AM) - so a matter of 5 minutes of furious typing and gut hurting laughter. It was 12:30 in the morning... we were a little loopy.

It begins with me explaining to someone who doesn't play WOW, some of the things you encounter. And we were thinking of what it would be like to incorporate it into our LARP.     ...It starts easily enough

Ariana Corvus: so in WOW, sometimes there are fire patches on the ground and if you stand in it bad things happen and you eventually die - so - you need to move out of them. But some people just rely on the healers to heal them through it, much to the healer's consternation
T (Another WOW/TOR/LARPer): It's the same in TOR.
P (The other WOW/TOR/LARPer): I do think, though, that an Onyxia encounter may have to be worked in [worked into our Star Wars LARP]...imagine it...We'll get Dan W, Dan M, and Leo to play the dragon...
P: I'll be FUN!
ArianaCorvus: that and random skulls in the desert
T: OH GOD RANDOM SKULLS IN THE DESERT
P: YES!
ArianaCorvus : :-P
P: YES!
T: and YES!
K (a non-WOW, non-TOR, LARPer we are explaining this too) *Got totally lost by now.*
P: I found the skull while wandering through Tatooine...
T: In TOR
ArianaCorvus: think of how many would try and pick it up
T: There is a skull
T: When you hover your mouse over it
T: it says "Mysterious skull"
T: And you can click it
P: I thought to myself: Hmmm...what's this and why can I click it.
T: Keeping in mind
P: A MONSTER!
T: EVERYTHING ELSE
T: in Tor that you click
T: Gives you lore entries and experience points
P: I'll just send in my tank-buddy...he'll work on killing it and I'll heal him.
P: Hmmm...
T: So you click the skull
T: FUCK
P: He died in one hit...
T: THAT
T: GIANT WORM OF DEATH
P: I wonder if I can run away...
P: Hmmm...
P: Now I'm dead.
P: Well...that didn't work out as planned...Maybe if I bubble him first...
T:  THERE ARE CURIOUS PLAYERS DEAD EVERYWHERE
P: Hmmm...
T: Shattered dreams and broken armor as far as the eye can see
P: Now we're both dead...
P: Well...
T: Nothing left but the sands.
P: I suppose I shouldn't click that unless I have him fully healed, bubbled and with one of the stat-boosting things...
P: ...why am I dead..?
T: NOPE
P: /sigh
P: I guess I'll just come back later and try again.
P: *Later*
T: STIMPACKS ARE LIKE SLIMFASTS
T: THEY DON'T DO SHIT
P: Okay...I'm back...I'm 5 levels higher than it now...
P: ...why am I dead..?
P: /sigh
T: It's hungry. Always hungry.
P: ...and that's the story of the skull.
P: Is better in person...there's hand gestures and everything.
T: Yep. Like P said.
ArianaCorvus: / <3 you guys

It seems like society provides us with preset responses to behaviors and experiences in the same way that you can preset stations on your radio or the way a program comes with defaults.  Those presets are going to be in place to support the society.  We get them just by growing up.  We learn that Button 1 is 93.3 FLZ "All the hits in Tampa bay", and Button 2 is 89.7 WUSF National Public Radio or we learn that we should have, that normal is - 1" margins, Calibri Font, size 11, black type, non-bolded or italicized or underlined. But instead of telling us what to listen to or the format for our writing, society tells us how to respond to everyone else. (And since we are all - and by "all" I mean the vast majority within a culture, not every human being- getting the same messages, society keeps working and keeps producing the messages.)

This idea comes from personal observations: a situation will present itself and while I go to do one thing, I then stop, think about it a moment and question why. Is it because I actually want to do it, is it my true reaction, or is it what I've seen people do a million times in TV shows, movies and (to a lesser extent) books? And then there comes the cognitive dissonance when you challenge and attempt to alter the default.  And gods forbid you want to save your new responses as the default!

Now, I can understand the need for some kind of order and for people to be able to relate and work together. We do need to, in many ways, predict the behavior of others - that might come in handy for, say, driving. So I guess I am applying this more to the squishy stuff, human emotions and behaviors.  I see it immensely in Dating (a hobby I've picked up recently, but am finding somewhat distasteful and I'm about to tell you why.) 

Western society has some very strong defaults for human relationships, here's how they begin (based on my observations.) 

Step. 1 -you notice the other person, but you don't walk right up and just say, "hey, you want to hang out sometime?" No, there's some dance involved that I don't even know the steps too, so I end up a wall flower reverting to "creepy stare" or awkward look-aways.

Step 2. when the time is right (this is not clearly defined, humorously enough) you approach and ask the other out on A DATE. (this should be in flashing lights like that on a marquee on a Theater.)

Step 3. You dress nicer and less comfortably than you usually do, the other does the same- so you are both, from the get-go, pushed out of comfort zones. What if all first dates were required to be in our comfy jeans and our favorite old T-shirt, the one we got at that event we loved and it makes us smile just to put it on? We wear boots or flip-flops or that pair of red chucks that makes us feel, just for a moment, like the 10th Doctor? (someone out there just asked doctor who? and I can only hope a fellow whovian was out there next to them to enjoy the moment.)

Step 4. You meet at a place that is not your regular haunt - cause gods forbid your friends be there or the wait staff see you eating dinner with different men/women - you hussy. ( <--and don't get me started on that gender imbalance.) No, you try and find a place that isn't too expensive but is still nice and isn't a regular haunt but isn't an unknown and I think you have to incorporate the quadratic formula in there somewhere.  I say, as in writing, go with what you know. Go with something tasty and messy and comforting.

Step 5 - The Interview - this is where you, in one conversation, determine if the other person meets all of the specs you've pre-determined you want in a partner. Just watch - you can see it in the other person's eyes as they go down their check list:
- job, car, place to live, similar politically, similar religion, similar personal beliefs - "why yes I do feel small when I lay back and look up at the stars!", social media (text or twitter, face-to-face or facebook...gasp they don't use facebook - run away, run away!) ..wait, I watch The Daily Show with Jon Stewart too - we are life mates! I'm not saying it isn't important to have things in common, but there is this rush to determine if the person you're seated across from is "the one" and you begin to null hypothesis them out of contention from the start.  And in that rush, and in following the presets, you're not, in any way, in a comfort zone. You're not going to be yourself and no one is going to get any kind of accurate read on the other.

Step 6 - Kiss em or not?  Why is this even a question? Your libido should have chimed in by now (learn to listen to it, it's Love's evil twin sister) and if there are any questions it'll be between - pull him too you but the scruff of his shirt or press him against the car and leave him breathless.

Step 7.    Wait...why in holy hell is this process numbered like the instructions for putting together an *insert box store name* bookshelf?  Life is far too messy to have a successful set of repeatable instructions. Do we live our lives by inserting piece B into slot A and...wait... I guess some parts could be like a set of instructions...a set of sexy instructions...

But we are individuals, both through the process of genetic recombination of our parents and grandparents DNA and the nature of the variation in our upbringing.  The next time you sit down with society to play its little game...I say flip the table and walk away and let yourself be who you are. Let the person you would like to cohabitate a space with for an unspecified period of time also be themselves and go from there. No rule books, No Presets, No default. 






What would you do if you opened up *insert word processing program here* and it started by asking "what font do you want?", without prompting any specific one?  You just had the vast array of font styles to choose from - and there are some fun ones in there - You might not choose what someone else might choose. And what if you then wrote out your document and sent it out into the world in your personally selected font and your selected size and formatting.  I bet it would say a lot more about you and help others actually connect with you. 

So, do you want one column or two?