Me: Hey, brain, I was wondering if you could just-
Brain: - can't sorry, *shouts* MAN BATTLE STATIONS! Prepare!
Me: Whoa, whoa, whats going on? Why-
ANS: Copy that, brain, increasing heat rate, ticking up perspiration.
Me: really guys, no reason for a panic attack, *looks around at a happy life* life is good.
Brain: Belay that!, Sail for that lonely, shadowy cave filled with dark water, 5 hours spent on tumblr with tears, so many tears, despair and a body curled in the fetus position!
ANS: WARNING, WARNING - Impending Doom - cue slight nausea and feelings of being miniscule.
Me: *shivers* Stop that, there is no reason for this. Life is really good.
Brain: *Pauses and laughs a deep guttural laugh.* Reason? you speak of reason?
We're far past reason now. The clouds threaten rain, the demons gather. We must hide or we'll be eaten alive!
Me: NO, it's fake, you're just mixing the wrong neurochemicals. (worst barkeep ever) Keep it together gray matter. I'd like to be social, or at least get something done.
Brain: Oh gods, productivity? You want to interact with someone in some way! Not a chance, ANS?
ANS: cue crippling social anxiety!
Me: *waves fist in air* Curse you! I'll fight you, I can do it.
Brain: maybe you can, but you'll still feel like crap while doing it! Even now doubt creeps in as you stare at your words on the computer screen. Are you using the autonomic nervous system in the right context? Are there any misspellings? When you run for president will this post be dragged up and used against you?
Me: You know what, I'm going to paint something, that's right, I'm going to create. Screw you brain!
Brain: Good luck with that, *holds up peace sign and walks away* Deuces.
Me: FINE, I'll show you! *marches off defiantly*
ANS: guys? guys? where is everybody? did I do good? Brain? Jen - Queen of my universe and all that I know? where did you go?
ANS: ...don't...don't leave me alone. please? guys? ok, um...I'll just be over here, then. *fiddles with internal temperatures, keeps heart beating, keeps body breathing.* I do good work. I do. see. They'll be back, yeah. They'll be back.
This bio-drama brought to you by occasionally frustrating reality. hmm... "bio-drama" that could so be a euphemism.